So, I had two very strange dreams last night. In the first one, my husband got a new, very high-powered job that he neglected to tell me about. An acquaintance congratulated me on his new job, and told me there was some sort of press conference or meeting that I could go to and see my husband. So, I did. I walked into this room with a bunch of powerful people who were delighted to see "the wife," and there was my husband, at the end of a table, in a fancy suit, looking happy. Until he saw me, because he knew he was in trouble.
I ran away, angry and crying, he followed, and we had a huge argument about his lying to me about the job, which came with a big, beautiful new house with a lake view and a staff of two. I gave him back my wedding ring and told him I was leaving, while the staff tried to persuade me to stay.
When I told my husband about my dream this morning, he said that he thinks the dream was more about me being insecure than anything else. I would agree. (I will say, however, that his company is going to be laying people off in his department tomorrow - don't know how a dream about him getting a new job quite relates.)
My other strange dream was about a school project my daughter had to do. She brought home this lengthy handout which she had to read and report on. This was the 2nd time she had brought home this particular report, needing, for some reason, to do it over. The topic of the handout? Stillbirth.
Now where the hell did that come from? Why would a 2nd-grader have a report about stillbirth, given to her twice, to complete as homework? As I recall, there was something about her teacher knowing about Ben, and trying to make a point to me, though I have no clue what the point was.
It's not like my daughter has been asking about Ben recently; she doesn't even know the world "stillborn" as far as I know. I don't think we've ever used that particular term with her to describe Ben's death; it just never came up.
In the rest of my life, I am feeling tired and discouraged, for a number of reasons. Things are going on I really can't talk about, things I don't see a solution to, and I'm finding that hard. I've got that Jimmy Buffett song in my head "...wastin' away again in Margaritaville..." - which definitely correlates to my state of mind; I'd like to waste away in Margaritaville for a little while myself.
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, April 14, 2008
Spring has Sprung
I've had a wee bit of a blogging break - recovering from my surgery, my daughter's spring break, time away at a waterpark, the colds we have caught. My daughter is home from school today with a bad cold and I woke up with a headache. I can't say I feel like taking care of children today, but that's what moms do, so I will.
Spring has arrived here, although it was 31 degrees this morning. My daffodils are blooming and the tulips have popped up. I am more than ready for spring and for good things to happen. My legs are nearly healed up; all those pretty rainbow bruise colors are nearly gone, though I am still sore, but they look much better already.
There has been lots of bad news from my hometown in the last few weeks. The sister of a friend of mine died of breast cancer two weeks ago, at the age of 51; another friend of the family died of breast cancer last week at the age of 53. Both women fought long and hard, and both were still so young. The wife of another childhood friend is dying from a fast-growing brain tumor, leaving behind three sons, ages 11, 9, and 6. She's 37. Sometimes life is just so incomprehensible, and you carry on doing the laundry, changing diapers, making meals, while around you things keep falling apart. What else can you do, but carry on, hug your babies, hug your spouse, bring in some daffodils to put in a vase, remember to live now, right where you are.
Spring has arrived here, although it was 31 degrees this morning. My daffodils are blooming and the tulips have popped up. I am more than ready for spring and for good things to happen. My legs are nearly healed up; all those pretty rainbow bruise colors are nearly gone, though I am still sore, but they look much better already.
There has been lots of bad news from my hometown in the last few weeks. The sister of a friend of mine died of breast cancer two weeks ago, at the age of 51; another friend of the family died of breast cancer last week at the age of 53. Both women fought long and hard, and both were still so young. The wife of another childhood friend is dying from a fast-growing brain tumor, leaving behind three sons, ages 11, 9, and 6. She's 37. Sometimes life is just so incomprehensible, and you carry on doing the laundry, changing diapers, making meals, while around you things keep falling apart. What else can you do, but carry on, hug your babies, hug your spouse, bring in some daffodils to put in a vase, remember to live now, right where you are.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Things I've Learned Along the Way
It's Wednesday, it's snowy and cold, and I'm feeling a little random...so here are some random thoughts I've learned from my life so far:
1) Never eat half a package of cherry JuJu hearts in one day. Don't ask why, just trust me.
2) There's nothing like a "queeze ug" (squeeze hug) from a 2.5-year-old to make anything better.
3) No matter how many times you tell a 7-year-old to hurry up because we're going to be late for school, it is physically impossible to make her go any faster.
4) 23 degrees Fahrenheit (with snow) is not that cold when two days ago the wind chill was about 10 below zero. It's downright balmy.
5) Even though the school newsletter clearly states each week that the deadline for submissions is 3:15p.m. on Tuesday, there will be 4 new submissions waiting in your inbox Wednesday morning and one on Thursday morning, the day it goes to print.
6) Before children, you could never imagine going out to an informal meeting in the same shirt your child has just peed on. After children, it's no big deal.
7) Brownies make a bad day good. Brownies and ice cream make a bad day downright fantastic.
8) Eating half a pan of brownies, however, will make you feel good for only 5 minutes and fat and sick for an entire day.
9) Having children guarantees that you will be late for every appointment, drop-off, and function 98.3% of the time.
10) I don't actually need more time in my day, I need less to do.
What random things has your life taught you so far?
1) Never eat half a package of cherry JuJu hearts in one day. Don't ask why, just trust me.
2) There's nothing like a "queeze ug" (squeeze hug) from a 2.5-year-old to make anything better.
3) No matter how many times you tell a 7-year-old to hurry up because we're going to be late for school, it is physically impossible to make her go any faster.
4) 23 degrees Fahrenheit (with snow) is not that cold when two days ago the wind chill was about 10 below zero. It's downright balmy.
5) Even though the school newsletter clearly states each week that the deadline for submissions is 3:15p.m. on Tuesday, there will be 4 new submissions waiting in your inbox Wednesday morning and one on Thursday morning, the day it goes to print.
6) Before children, you could never imagine going out to an informal meeting in the same shirt your child has just peed on. After children, it's no big deal.
7) Brownies make a bad day good. Brownies and ice cream make a bad day downright fantastic.
8) Eating half a pan of brownies, however, will make you feel good for only 5 minutes and fat and sick for an entire day.
9) Having children guarantees that you will be late for every appointment, drop-off, and function 98.3% of the time.
10) I don't actually need more time in my day, I need less to do.
What random things has your life taught you so far?
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Three Days at Home
Ok, so the title of my post reminds me of the song by Sheryl Crow with the lines "Three Days in Rome." Ah, if only.
Today is my third day trapped in my house with my children while my husband is out and about interacting with other adults. Charlotte has been home from school for the past two days; took her to the doctor yesterday and she has strep throat. So today she is still contagious and not going to her class at Little Gym, and I've cancelled the babysitter who was to stay with James while I had an hour or two to myself. No need to spread the germs around. My husband is out all day at a workshop, and I am going a little stir crazy. Not to mention the massive headache as yet untouched by the aspirin I took an hour ago.
Bleh. I'm complaining. Anyway...next Friday James starts preschool. We were supposed to go yesterday for him to meet teachers and fellow students and just get used to the place, but we went to the doctor instead. So we will try again on Monday, and then on Friday - 4 hours of preschool. FOUR WHOLE HOURS!! I alternately can't wait and then get all tearful and sad because, come on, my BABY. Is going to preschool. And how did this happen? If I ask him if he's a baby, James says, "No baby." He is so adorable right now and I wish I could keep him right here for a few years, in this in-betweenness of baby and preschooler, when he adores his mama and is still willing to hug and kiss me and be seen in public with me. My girl turned 7 a few weeks ago and is, like, getting, y'know, embarrassed by me sometimes. (Gawd! I'm the mother of a 7 year old!)
My James is calling for me to play Legos with him, so I will go build a monument to boys. How can I ignore a sweet voice saying, "Mommy pway!"
Today is my third day trapped in my house with my children while my husband is out and about interacting with other adults. Charlotte has been home from school for the past two days; took her to the doctor yesterday and she has strep throat. So today she is still contagious and not going to her class at Little Gym, and I've cancelled the babysitter who was to stay with James while I had an hour or two to myself. No need to spread the germs around. My husband is out all day at a workshop, and I am going a little stir crazy. Not to mention the massive headache as yet untouched by the aspirin I took an hour ago.
Bleh. I'm complaining. Anyway...next Friday James starts preschool. We were supposed to go yesterday for him to meet teachers and fellow students and just get used to the place, but we went to the doctor instead. So we will try again on Monday, and then on Friday - 4 hours of preschool. FOUR WHOLE HOURS!! I alternately can't wait and then get all tearful and sad because, come on, my BABY. Is going to preschool. And how did this happen? If I ask him if he's a baby, James says, "No baby." He is so adorable right now and I wish I could keep him right here for a few years, in this in-betweenness of baby and preschooler, when he adores his mama and is still willing to hug and kiss me and be seen in public with me. My girl turned 7 a few weeks ago and is, like, getting, y'know, embarrassed by me sometimes. (Gawd! I'm the mother of a 7 year old!)
My James is calling for me to play Legos with him, so I will go build a monument to boys. How can I ignore a sweet voice saying, "Mommy pway!"
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