Every year, 26,000 babies are stillborn in America. In 2003, one of them was my son.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Turn Around

Where are you going, my little one, little one?
Where are you going, my baby, my own?

Turn around and you're two

Turn around and you're four

Turn around and you're a young boy
Going out of the door

. . .Where have they gone
My babies, my own
Turn around and they’re young
Turn around and they’re old
Turn around and they’re gone
And we’ve no one to hold.

* * *

My baby boy "graduated" from preschool this week, and I wonder, like the words of this song, where my baby has gone. I miss him even as he is with me, as every minute seems to bring changes and with every passing moment he grows up. As he should. 

Because I lost Ben, maybe I love my children more, now. Maybe I appreciate where they are in every moment, how precious they are. But I still wish I could keep them small for a little while longer. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be this: how hard it is for me to let my babies go, how sentimental I feel with each milestone. How much I wish I could squeeze this time into a bottle and keep it with me forever.

How much I will miss right now, when it's over.


Anonymous said...

So true and so poignant.

They grow up so quickly but if you have lost a baby you are also caught in the past too.

As each stage of life passes for our children there is a grief for us as we feel cheated that we don't have our baby growing too.


Monica H said...

Such a beautiful baby, toddler and big boy.

You're such a proud mama and that's very evident.

Catherine W said...

He's lovely. At all his ages.

I think it will be terribly difficult for me to let go of Jessica as she grows.

'I miss him even as he is with me' this sentence made me nod. And cry. x

Catherine W said...
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