Every year since 2003, at 11:34 am on the 30th of December, I have looked at the clock and thought, "And now I knew." Ben was gone but the long process of labor and delivery loomed, phoning my husband to tell him the terrible news, alerting families and friends.
In the space of a moment, a life changed, a life ended. A lifetime of things not done, words not said, plans and hopes and memories never made.
Eight years. Unimaginable that anyone can live that long without something--someone--so important. But live you do, because there is no other choice.